i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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