You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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