We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
