He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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