pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
