im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
