do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
