i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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