Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
