i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
