my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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