Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
