I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Randomize
