So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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