I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Randomize
