Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
