How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
