Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
