Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
