can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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