when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
