The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
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