If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
