you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
