Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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