Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
40s are totally the cure
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
