i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Randomize
