just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
