I just saw a hot homeless man
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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