i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
You were trust falling into bushes
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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