Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
