Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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