my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
