i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
