you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
