i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Randomize
