My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I have aggressive nipples.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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