you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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