The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
dude i'm inner monologue high
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
