Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Randomize
