Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
