You made me cry and you don't even care
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
