Slut skills are useful in every country.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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