census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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