How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
She made me pour olive oil on her.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
