I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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