Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
porn star boner night. come get it.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize