She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Randomize
