so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
My penis needs a shock collar
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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