I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
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