youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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