Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I cut my penus on the lid.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
