WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
