I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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