The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
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