I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Randomize
