He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
