so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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