I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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