dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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