All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
