Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
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