haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
