do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
